The Next Big Step

The day has finally hit. It seemed pretty surreal, at times a non-event and at times just standing there taking it all in and saying ‘wow, this is actually happening’

Until recently it’s felt like a lot of the things we’re doing have been just talking, making plans, making appointments but not actually doing anything.

This morning’s counselling appointment felt a bit like we were just going through the motions but not actually doing anything, even as we were signing consent forms. Happy to say that all the forms have been filled out, all the legalities from MIVF’s point of view have been met and they are happy for us move onto the next stage.

We did have a good talk with the counsellor, she asked us if we had any concerns. We mentioned that Lawyer was feeling a bit nervous, because she saw her cousin and her cousin’s 18mth old son yesterday. She got a bit freaked out, because the kid was chatting with her and she just sat staring, unsure of how to interact with him. In all fairness, she’s seen this kid twice in his life, and to suddenly have to try and talk to a kid who speaks his own language and has only developing social skills when you’ve never been with too many young children before can be rather daunting. Having the counsellor reassure Lawyer that her skills with her cousin’s son will have no bearing on how she’ll be with her own children was good.

It was also surprising and very good news for Lawyer that she should be able to be on the birth certificate, and that because D is a registered donor then we have no obligation to put him on the birth certificate either. That’s another legal hassle we should be able to avoid then.

Then we went on to the part that makes this all happen, the payment. Goodbye $2000+ dollars. Putting in the PIN and pressing OK didn’t feel like that big a deal. We’ve used an EFTPOS machine before.

Talking to the clinic nurse made things feel a bit more real. Having read so many blogs and fertility websites I feel like I’m really on top of this charting my cycle thing. However the nurse did recommend that maybe a month or so before we are ready to start TCC then I should also try doing ovulation tests for my LH level. We also went through what Lawyer’s role in all this will be, and what we get with our vials of swimmers. Kinda threw me that we just thaw them out at room temperature. Here was me thinking that we’d have to go through some kind of special process to warm that up and keep them alive. But no, 30 minutes at room temperature suck them up in the syringe and squirt them in. She also said that we don’t have to worry about dangling upside down for 30 minutes but if it makes us feel like we’re doing something then go ahead.

We caught up with D after he’d had his blood tests for the range of blood and sperm borne nasties. He said they took at least 5 vials of blood from him and was hoping that the vampires left a bit for him!

We walked over to the Andrology department. This is where things suddenly got very real. This looked like a laboratory. The main entrance was to the side of what had been the Women’s Hospital (it had moved only a few months ago). A long corridor with small rooms off one side, a waiting room with only 3 chairs in it, and on the other side the reception was maintained by the lab people. In fact the reception was a window with a table that faced onto the lab. We could see big freezer containers containing vials of swimmers, another constantly moving tray that was shaking a rack of vials, and it had this disinfectant and lab equipment smell that just reminded me of high school chemistry. Suddenly it was more than just talking and paperwork. It was 22 vials of baby making stuff. Actually the woman we spoke to was very impressed by the numbers of vials they’d managed to get and that everything looked very good for us. From what she said, when everything is ready we get two vials per month for self-insemination, but only one if we’re doing IVF. They won’t start thinking about IVF until we’ve tried a few times and been unsuccessful, but they said we could start using IVF after 3 failed tries. I’d like to try the least invasive way first.

D has done his thing now. The 6 month quarantine actually started yesterday since they have more than enough goods for us and D won’t have to donate again tomorrow. Then once the 6 months is up, D has to have another test, the results have to be sent through to MIVF, they have to approve them, and then we wait for the next window of opportunity. With the testing part added onto the end, it looks like we’re going to be ready to start trying to conceive in around 7 months.

Wow!

 

As I Type…

… D is in the medical clinic giving the first of 3 donations.

Finally our plans have moved from talking about it, phone calls and abstract feeling appointments, to something tangible.

The sperm that is going to be used to make our children is going into storage. I’m just blown away by the whole OMG and wow of the event that is happening today. It’s huge!

 

Give and Take 2

Again, one couple loses and another couple gets. What a strange blogging world.

Sadly Tbean over at Looking for a Little Turtle was unable to maintain her pregnancy. Best wishes ladies and don’t give up, your turtle is out there.

Happily though there is a Bao in the Oven. Congrats to the mother and the other.

 

Welcome November

So it looks like November is going to be one busy month for us.

Firstly November is NaNoWriMo or (inter)National Novel Writing Month. The aim of this crazy exercise is to write a 50,000 words novel in November, which equates to 1666 words a day. Pens… or keyboards ready at 12:00.01am on the 1st of November. We plan to be online chatting with other NaNoers around our city and starting writing at midnight.
My story this year is a re-write of a young adults book I wrote in my first year of Uni. It’s a high-school coming story set in a Catholic all girls school. It’s sorta based around my high-school experiences, but more about what I wish had happened, like have a girlfriend. Anyway, if you’re interested in joining in you can sign up at www.nanowrimo.org, or if your competing in the craziness, I go by Chooky.

The multicoloured bruise

Lawyer is also trying out for a Roller Derby team again this year, and is so much more confident that last year. But it has meant every spare minute she has been on the track. Official Fresh Meat training Monday night, League training Thursday (because she’s technically still a ref at the moment), and a session on Friday and Sunday evening at local recreation centres organised privately by a few girls. Wednesday night we’re already going out with our knitting group, which leaves us with Tuesday and Saturday as us nights. The first test is on Monday, and since Lawyer fell over a week ago and has a beautiful blue knee, she’s afraid that if she falls during the speed and endurance test she won’t get back up again. I know she’ll do well though.

Then Tuesday we’re driving over to Melbourne because D is back in the country!!! We’re so excited, firstly because it’s been a year since we saw him and I’ve missed our Mario Kart evenings, but also because this is the start to the 6 month count down. The plan is that D will be donating Monday, Wednesday and Friday, have counselling on Monday and Thursday, and we’ll also have counselling Thursday and a nurses appointment so we can learn about what to do- although most lesbian TCC blogs are fairly comprehensive.  Then after that we hand over the money so the swimmers are kept well refrigerated. Can’t believe our first big wait is over and we’re about to start our second one. That time will fly I hope.

Once we get back from Melbourne our local GLBTI Cultural Festival starts. In recent years I’ve been really over it, it seems to be all about being as radical and out there as you can, dressing like a sl*t and for some strange reason Cabaret. Come on, what about us every day lesbians and gay guys who believe in monogamous relationships and enjoying time with friends. Well there are a few things we’re going to see. There’s a comedy show in which one of our favourite comedians, Hannah Gadsby, will be performing. She does this wonderful joke about how she found she was a lesbian by the post, she had a letter addressed to her ‘Dear Sir/Madam’.
And at the end of two weeks of excessive use of rainbow flags we have Picnic in the Park, which is exactly that, one big picnic with stalls, bad food, loud music, men in leather pants and women with no tops on. It’s the event that I proposed to Lawyer at, and she’ll be trying to get another ice-cream out of me again.

And just because November isn’t busy enough I have to fly over to our nations capital, Canberra, for work so I can meet the other people in my team who work all over the country, and get some more training done.

Who knows if I get any blogging done in that time. It will probably just end up being lots of two-line posts.

 

Q & A part 3

Sorry, it’s been a while since I did the first two parts. Time for some more.
Here’s the third round! I’ve colour coded the responses so you can see who said what. Purple- Geek Green- Lawyer Red- Donor

Financial commitments and responsibilities?

• Who will be financially responsible for the child?

Lawyer and Geek will be financially responsible for the child. This will be the case even if they separate.
D will not be financially responsible for the child, unless he seeks some form of shared care arrangement.
Geek and Lawyer
Solely you guys. As we’ve discussed, I look forward to a low paid and potentially stressful career, and I’m simply not anticipating the possibility of being able to financially support any child other than one that I raise.

• Will the donor be expected to make any financial contribution to the maintenance of the child? How will this be organised? Will it be a regular fixed amount or adhoc arrangement?

D will not be expected to make any financial contribution to the maintenance of the child at all. Unless he gets the lawyers involved for custody.
No financial contribution required at all.
As above.

• What financial provisions will be made for the child by all parties with regard to inheritance, superannuation, insurance and wills?

Lawyer and Geek will both ensure that mutual wills are drawn up, naming each other the beneficiary of their estate and the child as the beneficiary of the surviving partner. The wills will also include preferred parenting arrangements for the child in the event that both die. The child, as a dependent, will be named as a beneficiary along with the other partner in both Geek and Lawyers’ superannuation and insurance.
D can make any arrangements regarding inheritance, wills, superannuation and insurance that he sees fit. There will be no obligation that he recognises the child in this way.
Children will inherit from both Lawyer and I as if Lawyer was the biological parent.
I can’t commit to any arrangement at this stage, which is not to rule it out.

• Will the child be included in the donor’s will or in any insurance policies or superannuation?

This will be entirely at D’s discretion; there will be no obligation or expectation that he includes the child.
If you want to.
As above.

Living arrangements?

• Where will the child live, which state or which country will all parties live in?

The child will live with Lawyer and Geek. The child will initially live in Hometown but this may change dependent on the needs of the family as a whole.
D may live in Europe for an extended period of time, or may return to Australia or live elsewhere. This will have to be further discussed and negotiated when his circumstances become clearer.
With Geek and Lawyer, in Hometown
This is again, solely you guys’ decision, as regards to where the child will live. As with any family, presumably where you guys go, the child will go. All I can say about my own placement, is that while I have a predilection for Melbourne, the city you guys are living in will have a huge impact on the one I choose to live in if and when i return to live in Australia within the coming few years.

• What happens if the donor wants less contact or wants to move interstate or overseas?

If D wants less contact with the child, we would accept this. If he wants to move interstate or overseas, we will not offer any barriers to him doing so as long as he does not attempt to either force us to move with the child so that he can have access, or commit us to, for example, flying the child to Europe on a yearly basis. Geek and Lawyer will act in the best interests of the child and their family circumstances.
He is! Would like D to keep in contact somehow though. Emails, phone calls, letters, etc.
This is somewhat moot, as I already AM overseas…. but once again, I’ll draw the parallel to the uncle figure. To elaborate on this; while I hope that we’ll become an extended family, I don’t want my biological role to interfere with the reality of you two being the child’s parents. And I think an effect of this family dynamic is one that goes the other way, to affect my rights and responsibilites; i.e. I will have only the degree of say which you want or need from me in the raising of the child, while simultaneously I will be free to follow my life where it is leading, but under a feeling of being honoured to be in the position of having a personal and familial obligation to seek to develop a permanent, close and loving relationship with your son, daughter, or other, as once again, would a closely involved aunt or uncle.

• What if the lesbian parents want to move with the child interstate or overseas?

This will be dependent on where D lives. If he continues to live in Europe and does not have a permanent relationship with the child, Lawyer and Geek will not consult with him if they want to move interstate or overseas. If he lives in Australia and has some form of contact with the child, they will discuss the child’s best interests with D and negotiate ways to maintain an agreed level of access. D will not bring court action or provide a barrier for Lawyer and Geek if they want to move and it is in the best interests of the family.
As above
That’s more than fine, again. If the move ends up being one that takes you away from me, particularly if I have located myself somewhere for the purpose of being closer to your family, I hope I’ll be involved in discussions before that decision is made, but at the end of the day; it will be your family unit, and your decision to make.

 

Good News x 2

Fingers cross over at Looking for a Little Turtle. Tbean is still counting her pregnancy in 2 digits worth of hours, but hopefully they have a Turtle.

And Lawyer has had a promotion at work to higher duties for 6 months. She’s really excited about the career move, but it does mean that now I’m working right in the city within a 2 minutes walk from her, she’s now moving 5 minutes further away. Pay wise it’s pretty exciting. We’ve jumped up a pay bracket, and we’re still both under 30. First we pay for baby making goods, finish paying the car loan and then save for a new bathroom. New bathroom must be in before I’m pregnant because I’m not doing it without a decent tub to soak in.

 

We Just Want a Quiet Week!

This last fortnight has been chaos.

Firstly all my job stuff, interview, getting the job, telling everyone at work, wrapping up what I was doing, getting the paperwork for the new one in on time. All sorted, I start the new job tomorrow at 9am. Woot!

Lawyer has a job interview for a position within her office for a 6 month contract with higher duties in another department. She had to get her acting manager to be her referee, and got a report back to hear that it was a pretty fantastic reference, and that she is one of 3 people being interviewed. Pretty good odds if you ask me!

Then the previous Wednesday evening we came home from a fantastic night at our knitting group (we met another knitting lesbian couple, it was so awesome!) and Lawyer logs on to Facebook to find several people with the status “RIP Mrs Hodgins”. Lawyer started trying to get in contact with her high-school friends on Facebook to find out what had happened, no one responded. She called her parents, as in a small country town everyone knows everyone else’s business. They hadn’t heard. I suggested she check out her hometown newspaper online, see if there had been a car accident or something else news-reportable. As we started looking we saw on the national news report that one of the Australian’s suspected of being killed in the Samoan Tsunami was Lawyer’s teacher Vivien Hodgins. The next morning suspicions were confirmed. The memorial is on Tuesday, and Lawyer is travelling back to go. As this will only be my second day in a new job, I will be staying home while she travels back.

And to top off a pretty emotionally draining week, I spent my second day of happy unemployment helping my dad build the fence for our chicken pen. We had to go out for more fence supplies and forgot to close the shed door. Tony got into a box of snail bait that I had bought while we were at our previous house. At first I didn’t think he’d eaten any and that there was anything wrong with him, he was running around wanting to chase his ball, no signs of illness at all. 5 hours later as I was about to go out and seem my friend and her new son, I stuck my head out the back just to check on him and noticed he was shaking and cuddling up to me, ignoring his ball. I rang the vet who said get him down to her asap. I managed to get him in the car, and drove 100m before I had to stop to get him out of the car (he was shaking and all over the car), drove another 100m and had to stop again after he wedged himself under the front passenger seat, and had to call my parents to help me get him to the clinic. Pretty scary 15 minutes as I waited on the side of the road while the dog is starting to have fits. He was able to walk to get in the car, but my mum had to carry him into the vets. I knew that once I managed to get him to the vets he was going to be fine, and after a stomach pump, and enema and an overnight stay in the doggy hospital we got him back home alive and happy. He did show his Labrador side though. Lying on the vet table he vomited green snail bait. And the stupid dog, still spasming and fitting wanted to eat his vomit. So obviously he didn’t learn the first time!

So after this week I’m booking the following two weeks to be boring. I want to eat, sleep, work and knit. No exciting news, no bad events, not even an exploding bus tyre, an office evacuation, or a lottery prize. Nothing interesting can happen at all!

 

Let’s Get Ready for Rrrrrrooooller Derby!

Lawyer and I have been rather busy last weekend with Lawyer’s new sporting passion, Roller Derby. This weekend was the final bout, and a double header with two interstate teams coming over to bout against ADRD.

I got to have a taste of being out on the track and involved with the game. For the first game against Sydney, I was Susie No Skates, penalty timer.

Susie No Skates (grey t-shirt) waiting for an ADRD blocker to time, while Anna Rexxxit sits in the sin-bin.

I thought it was about time to take on a Derby name since I’ve been helping out and turning up to practise with Lawyer. Everyone keeps asking if I’ll be trying out this year, but my knees are too dead after years of netball, cross country running and two knee operations to get up on skates. So I’m Susie because my parents wanted to name me Susan, but changed their minds when their neighbours enquired how baby Susie was, and No Skates because there will be no skating by me. Now girls keep asking me when I’ll become Susie On Skates.

Lawyer, or Dee Injuria on the track, is a Ref for ADRD. Hopefully this will be her last reffing game and next year she will be able to come back as a fully skilled Derby Girl. She’s already got some killer booty and a thirst for some smashy smashy.

Dee Injuria (far left) warming up with the Refs and Sydney girls.

Two good games, both won comfortably by ADRD. WooHoo!

ADRD in the white and red against Brisbane in the blue.

As well as that we’ve been emailing D and making plans for when he comes back to Australia so we can go to Melbourne IVF. Everything is slowly falling into place. Can’t believe this first big wait is almost over.

 

Baby Cuddles

Sorry, I couldn’t help all the baby pics. Baby M is such a cutie, despite giving his parents grief all day and deciding to sleep almost all the time we were around. He starting stirring about 20 minutes before we left, so my friend decided to wake him so he could have a feed and they could get to sleep. We got a few cuddles first.

Geek with baby M

Lawyer with Baby M

Baby M and mum. The words "Nom, Nom, Nom" come to mind.

Poor Lawyer held him and he started crying and squirming. Once he got too much she handed him to me and he calmed down straight away. Seems I have the baby touch… or as my friend suggested, babies can smell your fear!

 

Job Successes

So after all that stress and sleepless nights on the weekend, I told my manager, and his manager that I had applied for a job elsewhere, and that I would like to have them as my referees. My manager was very monosyllabic about the whole thing, not sure if it was because he’d probably only been awake for less than an hour by the time he got to work, or if he was upset, annoyed, angry, etc. My manager’s manager was fantastic about it, wanted to know all about the job, what it meant to me career wise, and then continued to sing my praise about how good a job I had done here.

2pm I got a phone call to say they had called my manager’s manager and that he had given me such a glowing report that there was no need to call my manager. They offered me the job and I accepted straight away. I’ll be starting in 3 weeks. Lawyer got a phone call as soon as I hung up.

I was lucky enough to find both my manager and his manager in the same office so I told them both at the same time that I got the job and I’d be leaving in 3 weeks.

Now I’ve been slowly telling people around the office that I’m out of there. It’s going to be sad to leave because this is one of the first places I’ve worked where I’ve felt really comfortable and accepted for who I am. I was always upfront and honest about my partner and I’ve never had any troubles because of it. I want to be sad about leaving, but I also want to be excited about having a new job.

After I told my co-workers, one of them joking today that they still might not let me go because they’re all out of token lesbians and short people in the office now. I’ll miss that, having people laughing with me about who I am, not at me in a malicious way.

But I will be glad to be rid off all the bullshit and office politics.